So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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