It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
