I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
