I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
