At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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