i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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