Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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