she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
