I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
