now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news, I just burned my penis
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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