Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
id be glad to
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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