No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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