im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
