So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
