guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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