Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she peed on how many people?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
