ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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