This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
