He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
