i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
