yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
