so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
