the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
