Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
