So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
