we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
