I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this will be a night to untag.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
