We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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