I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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