Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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