i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
