mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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