I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
