If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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