This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
