worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
