I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is my gift to your gina
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
