I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
