He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
