I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
