when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We are two peas in an std pod
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk is not a location!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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