Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
