Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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