I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
