yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
