I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
