i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
