I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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