census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
