do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
