hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
